YOU
NAME: Kira
AGE: 24
E-MAIL: penofdl@gmail.com
AIM: peacekeeperdl
TIMEZONE: EST
OOC JOURNAL:![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
kasterborous
PREVIOUS RP EXPERIENCE:
CHARACTER
NAME: Gabriel "Sylar" Gray
FANDOM: Heroes
AGE: 31
ALIGNMENT (GOOD, EVIL, NEUTRAL): Neutral
SKILLS/POWERS/SPECIAL ABILITIES: Gabriel has the ability of Intuitive Aptitude which allows him to understand the structure and operation of complex systems without special education or training. Gabriel's ability is constantly active allowing him to analyze any system that he encounters. These systems include but are not necessarily limited to patterns of human behavior and interaction and mechanical and organic structures.
His ability also gives him the capability to take powers from other evolved humans and incorporate those abilities into his own biological make-up. Originally he believed that taking these abilities required him to cut into an individual's head and examine his or her brain, but Arthur Petrelli explained to him that he didn't necessarily need to kill people in order to acquire an ability. His ability works on understanding, and an empathic understanding of the individual in question would allow him to absorb their ability in the same way that killing them would. Using his ability like this, though, takes far more work and effort than killing an individual does in order to achieve the same result.
Gabriel has several issues which stem from the fact that his ability comes saddled with a hunger for knowledge, a desire that makes him want to know anything and everything that there possibly is to know. Being an amoral entity, this hunger is more than willing and able to force him to the worst extremes to satisfy it. When it came to other evolved humans, since the details of their abilities remains hidden in their brains just beyond what his eyes are able to discern, his ability makes him want to "take them apart" and get a closer look. This part of his ability is has always proved extremely difficult to reign in even when attempted, and while he has gotten close to doing so each time that he has sincerely tried to, he no longer feels that there is any point to fighting the way that he was made. He is nothing more than a monster, and that is the only way that people see him. Why should he try to be anything different?
The [known] Abilities that he has absorbed in the original manner are:
The Abilities that he has absorbed via empathy are:
Since being infected with the Shanti Virus, Gabriel has been unable to consciously use any of the abilities that he acquired before the infection successfully with the exception of his Telekinesis.
BRIEF BACKGROUND SUMMARY: Raised by an overbearing father and a overly expectant mother in slightly less than middle-class area of Queens, Gabriel Gray was a child who was always eager to please, going out of his way to make sure that everyone else was happy even if it made him miserable to do so. That was probably a tendency that he learned from his mother who never complained a day in her life no matter how much she made it clear that she wanted something better than what she had and regretted the life that she had to live.
Gabriel was the kind of boy in school that teachers dream about, quiet, attentive, helpful, studious, and smart, but the very things that made him adored by the faculty were the same things that made him an outcast among his peers. It didn't help that his limited social interaction (mainly consisting of his family) had left him at a loss for exactly how to interact with anyone who wasn't nearly thirty years his senior.
His early teens were probably the most painful time for Gabriel. His mother was pushing him to achieve far beyond what he conceived as his abilities. His father was forcing him to learn his trade so that the business wouldn't be worthless when he died. And his increasing awkwardness left him devoid of any sort of social contact outside of his quite dysfunctional family. And when his father ran out on him and his mother, leaving to go and get a pack of cigarettes one night and never returning, his dreams were shattered along with his hopes of ever fulfilling any desires that he might have had. His mother was in no shape to work, and someone had to support the family. Gabriel was an adult long before he was meant to be, toiling in a way that no teenager is meant to, dealing with the harsher realities of the world and grappling with a strong desire to escape it all. What he needed, what he wanted, was for someone to come and tell him that he wasn't as insignificant as he felt in the greater scheme of things and that there was an escape from the mundane existence that he had to endure.
It wasn't until his late twenties, however, that this dream came true. A man by the name of Chandra Suresh showed up at his door, offering him the chance of a lifetime, the promise of perhaps being more than just a watchmaker's son turned watchmaker. Chandra was working on proving his theory of evolution, humans with extrasensory abilities, and he was sure that Gabriel was one of the individuals with the genetic markers for these abilities. After introducing Gabriel to the idea, Chandra Suresh took on a very eager and expectant Gabriel Gray as his initial test subject, his patient zero.
It wasn't long after taking on Gabriel, though, that Chandra grew quickly discouraged with the lack of results. Gabriel, who had lived through a lifetime of rejection and disappointment, didn't take yet another person who had given him hope casting him aside so easily and went to track down one of Suresh's other hopefuls to see exactly what he was looking for. When he found Brian Davis, what Gabriel witnessed was surprising, amazing, and awe inspiring. Brian, however, wasn't nearly as impressed with his ability and instead asked Gabriel if he could take it away. Gabriel was initially confused as to why Brian would want it gone until it all slowly clicked into place, and he understood.
Brian was broken. He needed to be fixed.
Sadly, fixing him ended with Brian dead, and Gabriel with a massive headache and blood on his hands. But he had removed Brian's ability. He'd removed it like he'd been asked to do, and now, he had something himself that he thought would make Chandra happy, that would make him proud of him. Gabriel found that he'd been right when he demonstrated his new ability to Chandra later the next day. The scientist was impressed and elated, gratified to finally have proof that his theories were correct, and made all of the apologies to Gabriel for doubting him.
The high of having not only approval but a power that made him something special, finally, for the first time in his life was short lived, however, when it fully hit him exactly what he had had to do in order to order to achieve it. His stomach churned with guilt so much that he withdrew into himself, cutting down his contact with Dr. Suresh to a minimum and isolating himself. He tried prayer, asking for forgiveness constantly and repeatedly, but there was no answer, no absolution, no change in his soul that he could feel no matter how much he asked, no matter how concrete he made his prayers. He tried confession, but he found that he was unable to bring himself to say the words, that he ended up stuttering and stammering and crafting the explanation for what he had done in terms that couched it as something so much lesser.
Brian had had something that he wanted, and he had taken it at a terrible price. Terrible price, such lovely language for murder. There was no getting away with it, no matter how much Gabriel tried to forgive himself for his actions. He was a murderer, a monster, and he didn't deserve to be a part of normal society. He didn't even deserve to live, not after what he had done.
It was why, after suffering with the knowledge for as long as he could, Gabriel's willpower finally broke, and he set to ending his suffering. The rope, however, didn't hold as the second that he stepped off of his desk chair, after a moment or two of strangulation, he felt himself colliding with the ground. When he came to, there was a woman sitting next to him, pulling the rope off of his neck and asking him if he was all right. He might still be alive, but he felt exactly like he had before, guilt clawing at his soul. It's amazing what a few reassuring words can do, though, for someone who isn't used to anyone caring.
While his conscience wasn't completely solved, the support that came along with meeting and befriending the woman who had saved him, Elle, was enough to give him the hope that he had lost. Before, he hadn't been able to see a future in front of him, but now, he could envision one that he could manage while putting what had happened in the back of his mind rather than dwelling upon it. The urge to be special that had once been so strong was muted. He was plenty special just the way that he was. Even without his (Brian's) ability.
Elle said.
It's a fragile word that someone lives in, though, when they base their opinion of themselves on what other people think. Gabriel's own insecurities caught up with him eventually when, in an effort to force him to be more social and help him connect with people like him, brought over someone else with an ability. Trevor wasn't exactly the type of person that Gabriel would have felt comfortable associating with in the best of circumstances, and these were certainly some of the worst. Upon seeing him use his ability, Gabriel felt the hunger flare in the back of his mind. Even as he was so sure that he could combat it, his jealousy and temper at watching Elle fawn over the other man and his ability while seemingly sparing him only the occasional glance and condescending remark about Trevor being special was making it next to impossible to stamp down on his own natural and non-ability provoked urge to rip the bastard's throat out.
Soon enough, his temper caused him to crumble, Trevor being flung back against a wall, threats that were so unlike himself spilling from his lips as his eyes narrowed at the man pinned to the wall, his ability gripping him until his attention was completely focused on Trevor, so much so that he barely registered Elle's distressed exclamation. It wasn't until the lightening hit him squarely in the chest, knocking him to the floor that his attention was pulled back to the blond that he had, until that moment, counted as his best friend.
Staggered by the fact that she had lied in him in so many ways, paranoia at what her true purpose there might be, and angered by the attack, Gabriel snapped, shouting at her to get out and then tossing her across the room to emphasis the point. As he heard the apartment door slam behind him, his attention was pulled back once more to Trevor, pinning him back again to make escape for him impossible as he raised another hand and made a careful incision across his skull, just deep enough to cut away the bone but not deep enough to damage the brain.
There wasn't much of the moments after that that Gabriel remembered. He only recalls snapping back into himself, kneeling in a pool of blood with Trevor's body crumbled on the floor in front of him, the top of his skull sitting nearly a foot away from his head.
With Trevor's blood on his hands and finding himself once again utterly alone, Gabriel retreated to the room that he had created while trying to ask for forgiveness for Brian's death. Another life on his soul, and more prayers were uttered, more words joined those already painted upon the walls. But it did no good. He was still guilty. He was still guilty, and now, he could feel the hunger that much more prominently. His addiction had been fed and now it wanted more. This high wouldn't last nearly as long as the last, and like all addicts, Gabriel soon felt the desire to get his fix again.
With the knowledge that he would not be able to beat this himself well intact, his self-imposed communication blackout with Chandra was lifted. He'd promised the doctor that he would help him track down the others, and now, he had to follow through with that promise, and he could only hope that Dr. Suresh would be able to help him at the same time. But it became clear to Gabriel after explaining his predicament to Chandra that he wanted nothing to do with it. Chandra turned him out on his ear, deaf to any of his pleas for assistance. Abandoned, once again, Gabriel was left to try and deal with the hunger that was plaguing him on his own. After much agonizing, he finally realized what it was that he was doing. Natural selection. The strong survive and the weak die out. He was helping. He was just forwarding the path of evolution. And in this situation, for once in his long life, he was the strong one. Chandra just didn't understand. He didn't want to understand. He was weak, and he had to be eliminated like the rest of them.
The life that Sylar attempted to build for himself that point on was one that was filled with a lust for power, a desire to prove to everyone who had ever doubted him just how strong he could be, and to prove to himself that he was good enough in some capacity. The guilt that Gabriel Gray had felt (and still did) was shoved to the back of his mind, buried under rationalized justifications for his actions and assurances to himself that he was helping those that he was killing by ridding them of something that they had never wanted in the first place, something that he could use with much more efficiency.
It wasn't until after killing the painter, Isaac Mendez, for his ability that the guilt in Gabriel kicked back in full force.
It had been remarkably easy to get into Isaac's loft apartment. When he got there, it had been clear to him that Issac wasn't aware that he had a visitor. Isaac didn't seem aware of much of anything outside of the canvas in front of him. It was a remarkable ability, painting with seemingly no thought, his hand guided by some sort of outside force. When Issac had came to, he didn't seem shocked or dismayed by his presence at all. Apparently, he was late. Unlikely. He had been standing here a long time, after all. But the insinuations that he couldn't fight the future, that none of them could, had been enraging. It was his future, and nobody had a say over it other than him. He'd needed to see what he was supposed to be fighting against, though, but when Issac told him that the depictions of his future were gone, Sylar wasn't phased. He would just have to make his own.
The voice on the other end of the phone was reassuring even with the betrayal weighing on his shoulders. None of that mattered right now. He needed help. He needed someone who would understand. He needed...someone who was smart enough not to try and call the cops on him when he was attempting to reach out. That option off the table, there was only one other person that he could go to, one person who might actually be able to give him what he really needed. The conversation was brief, tiring, but ultimately fruitful. He wasn't dismissed offhand like he had been by so many others. Maybe this would finally work itself out somehow.
He cleaned up. He couldn't go and see her looking like he had for the past few months. He had to try and be the same person that he had been, before. If he could manage to be that man again and put all of this behind him, he could fight the future that he'd seen. Maybe it was all right to just be normal, to just be himself. He had believed it once. Maybe he could believe it again.
His paranoia was starting to get the best of him, anyway. After cleaning up, he could swear that he heard two heartbeats lurking in the loft, but when he attempted to find them, there was no one there. If he kept thinking like this, he was going to drive himself insane...more insane than people already thought that he was.
It had been a long time since he'd seen his mother face to face. He'd been so busy trying to better himself that he had forgotten about the life that he had had before, about the person that had been Gabriel. He had tried so hard to act like he wasn't himself that he'd forgotten how good that it had felt to just be Gabriel without any of the things that were required of being Sylar.
Of course, he had also forgotten about some of the things that were required of Gabriel. His mother hadn't changed at all. If anything, she was more insistent that he was destined for greater things. An investment banker when he didn't exactly have the best head for numbers? She was grasping at straws anymore to make him different than his father. She would never understand that as much as he had been pushed into it, he did enjoy being a watchmaker. She would never accept him as just being normal. She wanted a son who was more than that, who was successful. She wanted a son who was capable of being President. She wanted a son who was special.
He was special, though. He had put so much work into becoming special, and maybe if she knew, that would be enough for her. And maybe that being enough for her would allow that to be enough for him. He proceeded to demonstrate his abilities, creating a living snowglobe in the apartment because of how much that he knew she loved them. But he lost control as one point, his abilities slipping away from him as he lost focus. It wasn't until his mother ran to her room out of fear that he realized just how big of a mistake that he might have made.
He hadn't meant to hurt her. He hadn't meant to scare her. He needed her. He needed her to reassure him that he wasn't a monster, that he wasn't a killer, that he wouldn't have done something like what he'd seen, but when she finally emerged from the bedroom, what she said cut him more than anything that he had endured. He wasn't her Gabriel. He wasn't her son. He was damned. She was scared of him. She was scared just like everyone else. She thought that he was going to hurt her, but that was the last thing that he would do. She was the only person left in his life that he loved, that he could relay on. He would never...
But as he was trying to get her to calm down, attempting to wrestle a pair of sewing scissors from her grasp so that she wouldn't hurt herself, they ended up plunged into her chest, directly through her hair, blood coating his hands as he stepped away from her, horror, guilt, and disgust flooding his body at his actions. But as his awareness flooded back into him, there was something else to notice. There was a sword not more than an inch from his neck. His hand moved up, catching the sword and turning his attention to the individual holding it. He didn't look like much of a threat, but if he could do this...if he could take away this pain, Gabriel wanted to die. But the man proved to be nothing more than a disappointment, weakwilled and unable to carry through with what he had come to do. He would have died, Sylar feeling the need to take out his anger at himself on someone else, if there hadn't been enough of a distraction to allow the teleporter (that explained the heartbeats that he had heard earlier) to get away. And leaving him alone with his guilt.
He wasn't going to fail his mother. He had more reason to make her proud than he ever had before, so he would fulfill his destiny. He would stop trying to fight the future and be the person that she had always wanted to be. He would fulfill the future that his mother wanted for him. Even he could become president if he wanted to.
And after a year of struggling, fighting against a Company that saved him from death only to take his powers from him, regaining them once more only to join the very Company that had wronged him, turning his back on it, and then watching it burn to the ground, Sylar had been seconds away from that very goal, mere moments from becoming President of the United States like his mother had wanted. And of course, it was ripped from him again.
PB: Zachary Quinto
JOURNAL USERNAME:godlikesin
WAS THIS CHARACTER HELD FOR YOU? Yes
EXAMPLE OF FIRST-PERSON ENTRY: Just FYI, I'm not some evil ominous threat looming over the city waiting for a moment to strike as I'm sure a few people are probably telling everyone that they possibly can. I'm just an ordinary guy who doesn't like being treated like he's evil incarnate any more than anyone else would.
EXAMPLE OF THIRD-PERSON ENTRY: Emotions. Emotions were crippling, something that made him sloppy and reckless, but no matter how hard he tried to rid himself of the things that caused him to get emotional, the things that would throw him into such debilitating states, the more he seemed to find them and the worse the pain that they brought got. That was three mothers that he had lost now. One to his own hand. One to pure deception. And another to a man who was supposed to love him and care for him and had instead treated him like a commodity. Even if he was a royal sort of pain, the kid that he was leaving behind him had been right about one thing even as it was expressed in his teenage vernacular.
Parents suck.
As he stepped out into the daylight, the anger that was still boiling in his blood was taken out on the piled up boards that he'd yanked off earlier, several bolts of electricity sent flying at the stack lit a roaring bonfire outside the abandoned restaurant. Turning back towards the building, his body still shaking with repressed emotion, Sylar reached out with his telekinesis, pulling Luke clear before unleashing a full burst of electricity over the whole building. As the old, sun dried wood sparked into flames, Sylar felt the worst of the anger ebb away.
That was one less memory to plague him even as the images that the building had resorted to his brain were now etched permanently in his mind's eye.
All he had to be now was find his father. The goal of the trip hadn't changed even if the motives behind it had shifted. Sylar was going to make that man feel every ounce of the pain that he was feeling right now if it was the last thing that he did.
NAME: Kira
AGE: 24
E-MAIL: penofdl@gmail.com
AIM: peacekeeperdl
TIMEZONE: EST
OOC JOURNAL:
kasterborousPREVIOUS RP EXPERIENCE:
CHARACTER
NAME: Gabriel "Sylar" Gray
FANDOM: Heroes
AGE: 31
ALIGNMENT (GOOD, EVIL, NEUTRAL): Neutral
SKILLS/POWERS/SPECIAL ABILITIES: Gabriel has the ability of Intuitive Aptitude which allows him to understand the structure and operation of complex systems without special education or training. Gabriel's ability is constantly active allowing him to analyze any system that he encounters. These systems include but are not necessarily limited to patterns of human behavior and interaction and mechanical and organic structures.
His ability also gives him the capability to take powers from other evolved humans and incorporate those abilities into his own biological make-up. Originally he believed that taking these abilities required him to cut into an individual's head and examine his or her brain, but Arthur Petrelli explained to him that he didn't necessarily need to kill people in order to acquire an ability. His ability works on understanding, and an empathic understanding of the individual in question would allow him to absorb their ability in the same way that killing them would. Using his ability like this, though, takes far more work and effort than killing an individual does in order to achieve the same result.
Gabriel has several issues which stem from the fact that his ability comes saddled with a hunger for knowledge, a desire that makes him want to know anything and everything that there possibly is to know. Being an amoral entity, this hunger is more than willing and able to force him to the worst extremes to satisfy it. When it came to other evolved humans, since the details of their abilities remains hidden in their brains just beyond what his eyes are able to discern, his ability makes him want to "take them apart" and get a closer look. This part of his ability is has always proved extremely difficult to reign in even when attempted, and while he has gotten close to doing so each time that he has sincerely tried to, he no longer feels that there is any point to fighting the way that he was made. He is nothing more than a monster, and that is the only way that people see him. Why should he try to be anything different?
The [known] Abilities that he has absorbed in the original manner are:
- Telekinesis from Brian Davis
The ability to project a physical force using just his mind. Sylar's first stolen ability and the one that he uses most often, he has refined his control to the point that it is as precise as it is strong. Used primarily as a weapon, his telekinesis serves as restrains, a knife, and if he so desires, can puppet someone just as effectively as any puppet master. Of course, there's also the added benefit of never having to get up to get anything that he wants. - Shattering from Trevor Zeitlan
The ability to shatter objects from a distance. Never having actually used this ability after stealing it, Sylar wasn't able to work out the mechanics of whether it projected some sort of force that cracked objects or if the force served as 'invisible bullets' as it seemed Trevor used it as. He is no longer able to consciously access this ability. - Cryokinesis from James Walker
His second most used ability until it was stolen by the Shanti Virus, Cryokinesis allowed him to generate ice from his fingertips. An elemental ability, it allowed him control over water as well, able to freeze it as solidly or as loosely as he desired. The last time that he used it was to generate an indoor snowfall for his mother. Part of him is almost glad it's gone. He is no longer nable to consciously access this ability. - Enhanced Memory from Charlie Andrews
The ability to remember anything and everything in perfect detail. Sylar's grasp on this ability hadn't matured as much as Charlie's had at the point that the Shanti Virus was introduced into his system. If allowed to develop, it would have given him the ability to remember every aspect of his life from his birth up to the very moment that he was living, everything he had ever read or watched or seen, and recall that information was perfect and instant clarity. As it was, he had only mastered it to the point of being able to remember what he read. He is no longer able to consciously access this ability. - Melting from Zane Taylor
This ability is exactly what it sounds like. Not exactly something that he would have desired in the first place, Zane's ability merely provided him with the cover that he needed to accompany Mohinder Suresh to find other evolved humans. He is no able to consciously access this ability. - Enhanced Hearing from Dale Smithers
This ability provided Sylar with the capability to hear anything and everything that was going on around him no mattered how far away the individuals might be standing. Another one of the abilities that he actually made good use of, Sylar misses being able to hear when people are coming, what they're planning, and whether or not they're talking about him from a suitable spying distance. He is no longer able to consciously access this ability. - Precognitive Painting from Isaac Mendez
The ability to paint the future. Sylar used this ability only once, to paint himself as President and his face off with Ted Sprague. It was this ability that first lead him to seek out his mother and attempt to stop himself from going down this path any farther. But all he ended up with was a dead mother for his troubles. Another ability that he is glad he'll no longer see. He is no longer able to consciously access this ability. - Induced Radioactivity from Ted Sprague
The ability to generate lethal levels of radiation, if uncontrolled can act as a nuclear bomb. As nice as the ability to level a city would be, Sylar is glad to be rid of this power as well. He'd hate to do something rash with it in his anger and not be able to take it back. He is no longer able to consciously access this ability. - Rapid Cellular Regeneration from Claire Bennet
The first ability that he stole upon recovering from the Shanti Virus, Claire's ability served both as a symbolic and practical reawakening. Claiming that which he was denied before, Sylar was relieved that he no longer he to worry about being killed. Placing his cells in a constant state of regeneration any wound from the smallest cut to the most fatal attack is instantly healed. There is no way to kill him except to find that one vulnerable spot, and since he's moved that to a place you'll never be able to find, good luck. - Alchemy from Bob Bishop
The ability to alter the molecular structure of an object. The ability's original owner, being the greedy sonvabitch that he was, only ever used the ability to turn things into gold. Given the proper circumstances and necessity, it can be used to transmute objects in other fashions. - Clairsentience from Bridget Bailey
The ability to acquire the history of an object, place, or individual through touch, including the feelings attached to those memories. One of Sylar's newest most used abilities, this gives him the tools that he needs to be a much more convincing conartist. Since it often fills in the blanks as he goes, this ability can provide him with the information that he needs subtly as it did when he introduced Claire to Liam Samuels after learning his name and occupation through a handshake. Sylar claims that this ability will allow him to absorb all of an individuals memories, but only if they're awake. - Sound Manipulation from Jesse Murphy
The ability to manipulate sound. Jesse's primary use for this ability was a supersonic scream that would rip flesh from bone. Sylar, however, understands that there are much more delicate and subtle uses for it be they projecting his voice from a great distance directly into someone's ear or being able to feign footsteps in one location when they're actually in a completely different one. He hasn't had the opportunity to really play with it yet, but he has plenty of ideas. - Lie Detection from Sue Landers
The ability to tell whenever anyone is lying. Sylar regrets ever stealing this ability. There was a certain comfort that gave from living in ignorance. He could always assume before based upon common lie detecting techniques if someone who wasn't well trained in breaking them was lying to him, but this is something completely different. The way the world around him shakes each time someone lies within his presence is maddening, not to mention disheartening. He never realized that there were so many falsehoods in this world and that so many people pinned their lives on them. There is nothing in truth but pain. Perhaps it was better to live a lie. - Imprinting from Joe Macon
The ability to instantly transcribe any writing upon any surface in any form. The best forgery tool ever invented, all Sylar would have to do it look at someone's signature, and he would be able to duplicate it. Of course, there are times when you want someone to know that that signature isn't real. - Shapeshifting from James Martin
The ability to take on the appearance of any individual that you can acquire biological information from. All Sylar needs is a sample of your DNA, and he can look just like you. Already in possession of a number of different disguises, Sylar has used this ability quite a bit since acquiring it. However, the constant rearranging of his DNA has developed flaws upon restructuring it. He's ended up with extra teeth. His eyes have refused to turn back to their original brown for hours. He will change without even realizing it while sleeping. He's starting to get control of it now, but the ability also left him with something of an identity crisis, his understanding of who he was varying drastically. He believes that he's set upon what that identity is now, but with such good deeds so fresh in his recent past mingling with the destruction that he caused with this ability as well, it's never to be said for sure. - Disintegration from Tom Miller
The ability to cause objects to break down. Sylar only recently took this ability from Tom Miller, but upon observing Tom use it to turn a figurine into dust, he commented that it "looked like fun."
The Abilities that he has absorbed via empathy are:
- Electric Manipulation from Elle Bishop
The ability to generate and manipulate electricity. The only ability that he acquired the "right" way, Sylar feels a strong connection towards it in a way that he doesn't the others. He had to work to be able to master it (something that he didn't with the others and the perfect understanding his own ability provided naturally), and using it allows him to feel close to one of the people that ever truly understood him. This ability is his last living connection to Elle, and as guilty as he feels at times wielding it, he'd rather the guilt than to stop all together and attempt to forget her.
Since being infected with the Shanti Virus, Gabriel has been unable to consciously use any of the abilities that he acquired before the infection successfully with the exception of his Telekinesis.
BRIEF BACKGROUND SUMMARY: Raised by an overbearing father and a overly expectant mother in slightly less than middle-class area of Queens, Gabriel Gray was a child who was always eager to please, going out of his way to make sure that everyone else was happy even if it made him miserable to do so. That was probably a tendency that he learned from his mother who never complained a day in her life no matter how much she made it clear that she wanted something better than what she had and regretted the life that she had to live.
Gabriel was the kind of boy in school that teachers dream about, quiet, attentive, helpful, studious, and smart, but the very things that made him adored by the faculty were the same things that made him an outcast among his peers. It didn't help that his limited social interaction (mainly consisting of his family) had left him at a loss for exactly how to interact with anyone who wasn't nearly thirty years his senior.
His early teens were probably the most painful time for Gabriel. His mother was pushing him to achieve far beyond what he conceived as his abilities. His father was forcing him to learn his trade so that the business wouldn't be worthless when he died. And his increasing awkwardness left him devoid of any sort of social contact outside of his quite dysfunctional family. And when his father ran out on him and his mother, leaving to go and get a pack of cigarettes one night and never returning, his dreams were shattered along with his hopes of ever fulfilling any desires that he might have had. His mother was in no shape to work, and someone had to support the family. Gabriel was an adult long before he was meant to be, toiling in a way that no teenager is meant to, dealing with the harsher realities of the world and grappling with a strong desire to escape it all. What he needed, what he wanted, was for someone to come and tell him that he wasn't as insignificant as he felt in the greater scheme of things and that there was an escape from the mundane existence that he had to endure.
It wasn't until his late twenties, however, that this dream came true. A man by the name of Chandra Suresh showed up at his door, offering him the chance of a lifetime, the promise of perhaps being more than just a watchmaker's son turned watchmaker. Chandra was working on proving his theory of evolution, humans with extrasensory abilities, and he was sure that Gabriel was one of the individuals with the genetic markers for these abilities. After introducing Gabriel to the idea, Chandra Suresh took on a very eager and expectant Gabriel Gray as his initial test subject, his patient zero.
It wasn't long after taking on Gabriel, though, that Chandra grew quickly discouraged with the lack of results. Gabriel, who had lived through a lifetime of rejection and disappointment, didn't take yet another person who had given him hope casting him aside so easily and went to track down one of Suresh's other hopefuls to see exactly what he was looking for. When he found Brian Davis, what Gabriel witnessed was surprising, amazing, and awe inspiring. Brian, however, wasn't nearly as impressed with his ability and instead asked Gabriel if he could take it away. Gabriel was initially confused as to why Brian would want it gone until it all slowly clicked into place, and he understood.
Brian was broken. He needed to be fixed.
Sadly, fixing him ended with Brian dead, and Gabriel with a massive headache and blood on his hands. But he had removed Brian's ability. He'd removed it like he'd been asked to do, and now, he had something himself that he thought would make Chandra happy, that would make him proud of him. Gabriel found that he'd been right when he demonstrated his new ability to Chandra later the next day. The scientist was impressed and elated, gratified to finally have proof that his theories were correct, and made all of the apologies to Gabriel for doubting him.
The high of having not only approval but a power that made him something special, finally, for the first time in his life was short lived, however, when it fully hit him exactly what he had had to do in order to order to achieve it. His stomach churned with guilt so much that he withdrew into himself, cutting down his contact with Dr. Suresh to a minimum and isolating himself. He tried prayer, asking for forgiveness constantly and repeatedly, but there was no answer, no absolution, no change in his soul that he could feel no matter how much he asked, no matter how concrete he made his prayers. He tried confession, but he found that he was unable to bring himself to say the words, that he ended up stuttering and stammering and crafting the explanation for what he had done in terms that couched it as something so much lesser.
Brian had had something that he wanted, and he had taken it at a terrible price. Terrible price, such lovely language for murder. There was no getting away with it, no matter how much Gabriel tried to forgive himself for his actions. He was a murderer, a monster, and he didn't deserve to be a part of normal society. He didn't even deserve to live, not after what he had done.
It was why, after suffering with the knowledge for as long as he could, Gabriel's willpower finally broke, and he set to ending his suffering. The rope, however, didn't hold as the second that he stepped off of his desk chair, after a moment or two of strangulation, he felt himself colliding with the ground. When he came to, there was a woman sitting next to him, pulling the rope off of his neck and asking him if he was all right. He might still be alive, but he felt exactly like he had before, guilt clawing at his soul. It's amazing what a few reassuring words can do, though, for someone who isn't used to anyone caring.
While his conscience wasn't completely solved, the support that came along with meeting and befriending the woman who had saved him, Elle, was enough to give him the hope that he had lost. Before, he hadn't been able to see a future in front of him, but now, he could envision one that he could manage while putting what had happened in the back of his mind rather than dwelling upon it. The urge to be special that had once been so strong was muted. He was plenty special just the way that he was. Even without his (Brian's) ability.
Elle said.
It's a fragile word that someone lives in, though, when they base their opinion of themselves on what other people think. Gabriel's own insecurities caught up with him eventually when, in an effort to force him to be more social and help him connect with people like him, brought over someone else with an ability. Trevor wasn't exactly the type of person that Gabriel would have felt comfortable associating with in the best of circumstances, and these were certainly some of the worst. Upon seeing him use his ability, Gabriel felt the hunger flare in the back of his mind. Even as he was so sure that he could combat it, his jealousy and temper at watching Elle fawn over the other man and his ability while seemingly sparing him only the occasional glance and condescending remark about Trevor being special was making it next to impossible to stamp down on his own natural and non-ability provoked urge to rip the bastard's throat out.
Soon enough, his temper caused him to crumble, Trevor being flung back against a wall, threats that were so unlike himself spilling from his lips as his eyes narrowed at the man pinned to the wall, his ability gripping him until his attention was completely focused on Trevor, so much so that he barely registered Elle's distressed exclamation. It wasn't until the lightening hit him squarely in the chest, knocking him to the floor that his attention was pulled back to the blond that he had, until that moment, counted as his best friend.
Staggered by the fact that she had lied in him in so many ways, paranoia at what her true purpose there might be, and angered by the attack, Gabriel snapped, shouting at her to get out and then tossing her across the room to emphasis the point. As he heard the apartment door slam behind him, his attention was pulled back once more to Trevor, pinning him back again to make escape for him impossible as he raised another hand and made a careful incision across his skull, just deep enough to cut away the bone but not deep enough to damage the brain.
There wasn't much of the moments after that that Gabriel remembered. He only recalls snapping back into himself, kneeling in a pool of blood with Trevor's body crumbled on the floor in front of him, the top of his skull sitting nearly a foot away from his head.
With Trevor's blood on his hands and finding himself once again utterly alone, Gabriel retreated to the room that he had created while trying to ask for forgiveness for Brian's death. Another life on his soul, and more prayers were uttered, more words joined those already painted upon the walls. But it did no good. He was still guilty. He was still guilty, and now, he could feel the hunger that much more prominently. His addiction had been fed and now it wanted more. This high wouldn't last nearly as long as the last, and like all addicts, Gabriel soon felt the desire to get his fix again.
With the knowledge that he would not be able to beat this himself well intact, his self-imposed communication blackout with Chandra was lifted. He'd promised the doctor that he would help him track down the others, and now, he had to follow through with that promise, and he could only hope that Dr. Suresh would be able to help him at the same time. But it became clear to Gabriel after explaining his predicament to Chandra that he wanted nothing to do with it. Chandra turned him out on his ear, deaf to any of his pleas for assistance. Abandoned, once again, Gabriel was left to try and deal with the hunger that was plaguing him on his own. After much agonizing, he finally realized what it was that he was doing. Natural selection. The strong survive and the weak die out. He was helping. He was just forwarding the path of evolution. And in this situation, for once in his long life, he was the strong one. Chandra just didn't understand. He didn't want to understand. He was weak, and he had to be eliminated like the rest of them.
The life that Sylar attempted to build for himself that point on was one that was filled with a lust for power, a desire to prove to everyone who had ever doubted him just how strong he could be, and to prove to himself that he was good enough in some capacity. The guilt that Gabriel Gray had felt (and still did) was shoved to the back of his mind, buried under rationalized justifications for his actions and assurances to himself that he was helping those that he was killing by ridding them of something that they had never wanted in the first place, something that he could use with much more efficiency.
It wasn't until after killing the painter, Isaac Mendez, for his ability that the guilt in Gabriel kicked back in full force.
It had been remarkably easy to get into Isaac's loft apartment. When he got there, it had been clear to him that Issac wasn't aware that he had a visitor. Isaac didn't seem aware of much of anything outside of the canvas in front of him. It was a remarkable ability, painting with seemingly no thought, his hand guided by some sort of outside force. When Issac had came to, he didn't seem shocked or dismayed by his presence at all. Apparently, he was late. Unlikely. He had been standing here a long time, after all. But the insinuations that he couldn't fight the future, that none of them could, had been enraging. It was his future, and nobody had a say over it other than him. He'd needed to see what he was supposed to be fighting against, though, but when Issac told him that the depictions of his future were gone, Sylar wasn't phased. He would just have to make his own.
The voice on the other end of the phone was reassuring even with the betrayal weighing on his shoulders. None of that mattered right now. He needed help. He needed someone who would understand. He needed...someone who was smart enough not to try and call the cops on him when he was attempting to reach out. That option off the table, there was only one other person that he could go to, one person who might actually be able to give him what he really needed. The conversation was brief, tiring, but ultimately fruitful. He wasn't dismissed offhand like he had been by so many others. Maybe this would finally work itself out somehow.
He cleaned up. He couldn't go and see her looking like he had for the past few months. He had to try and be the same person that he had been, before. If he could manage to be that man again and put all of this behind him, he could fight the future that he'd seen. Maybe it was all right to just be normal, to just be himself. He had believed it once. Maybe he could believe it again.
His paranoia was starting to get the best of him, anyway. After cleaning up, he could swear that he heard two heartbeats lurking in the loft, but when he attempted to find them, there was no one there. If he kept thinking like this, he was going to drive himself insane...more insane than people already thought that he was.
It had been a long time since he'd seen his mother face to face. He'd been so busy trying to better himself that he had forgotten about the life that he had had before, about the person that had been Gabriel. He had tried so hard to act like he wasn't himself that he'd forgotten how good that it had felt to just be Gabriel without any of the things that were required of being Sylar.
Of course, he had also forgotten about some of the things that were required of Gabriel. His mother hadn't changed at all. If anything, she was more insistent that he was destined for greater things. An investment banker when he didn't exactly have the best head for numbers? She was grasping at straws anymore to make him different than his father. She would never understand that as much as he had been pushed into it, he did enjoy being a watchmaker. She would never accept him as just being normal. She wanted a son who was more than that, who was successful. She wanted a son who was capable of being President. She wanted a son who was special.
He was special, though. He had put so much work into becoming special, and maybe if she knew, that would be enough for her. And maybe that being enough for her would allow that to be enough for him. He proceeded to demonstrate his abilities, creating a living snowglobe in the apartment because of how much that he knew she loved them. But he lost control as one point, his abilities slipping away from him as he lost focus. It wasn't until his mother ran to her room out of fear that he realized just how big of a mistake that he might have made.
He hadn't meant to hurt her. He hadn't meant to scare her. He needed her. He needed her to reassure him that he wasn't a monster, that he wasn't a killer, that he wouldn't have done something like what he'd seen, but when she finally emerged from the bedroom, what she said cut him more than anything that he had endured. He wasn't her Gabriel. He wasn't her son. He was damned. She was scared of him. She was scared just like everyone else. She thought that he was going to hurt her, but that was the last thing that he would do. She was the only person left in his life that he loved, that he could relay on. He would never...
But as he was trying to get her to calm down, attempting to wrestle a pair of sewing scissors from her grasp so that she wouldn't hurt herself, they ended up plunged into her chest, directly through her hair, blood coating his hands as he stepped away from her, horror, guilt, and disgust flooding his body at his actions. But as his awareness flooded back into him, there was something else to notice. There was a sword not more than an inch from his neck. His hand moved up, catching the sword and turning his attention to the individual holding it. He didn't look like much of a threat, but if he could do this...if he could take away this pain, Gabriel wanted to die. But the man proved to be nothing more than a disappointment, weakwilled and unable to carry through with what he had come to do. He would have died, Sylar feeling the need to take out his anger at himself on someone else, if there hadn't been enough of a distraction to allow the teleporter (that explained the heartbeats that he had heard earlier) to get away. And leaving him alone with his guilt.
He wasn't going to fail his mother. He had more reason to make her proud than he ever had before, so he would fulfill his destiny. He would stop trying to fight the future and be the person that she had always wanted to be. He would fulfill the future that his mother wanted for him. Even he could become president if he wanted to.
And after a year of struggling, fighting against a Company that saved him from death only to take his powers from him, regaining them once more only to join the very Company that had wronged him, turning his back on it, and then watching it burn to the ground, Sylar had been seconds away from that very goal, mere moments from becoming President of the United States like his mother had wanted. And of course, it was ripped from him again.
PB: Zachary Quinto
JOURNAL USERNAME:
godlikesinWAS THIS CHARACTER HELD FOR YOU? Yes
EXAMPLE OF FIRST-PERSON ENTRY: Just FYI, I'm not some evil ominous threat looming over the city waiting for a moment to strike as I'm sure a few people are probably telling everyone that they possibly can. I'm just an ordinary guy who doesn't like being treated like he's evil incarnate any more than anyone else would.
EXAMPLE OF THIRD-PERSON ENTRY: Emotions. Emotions were crippling, something that made him sloppy and reckless, but no matter how hard he tried to rid himself of the things that caused him to get emotional, the things that would throw him into such debilitating states, the more he seemed to find them and the worse the pain that they brought got. That was three mothers that he had lost now. One to his own hand. One to pure deception. And another to a man who was supposed to love him and care for him and had instead treated him like a commodity. Even if he was a royal sort of pain, the kid that he was leaving behind him had been right about one thing even as it was expressed in his teenage vernacular.
Parents suck.
As he stepped out into the daylight, the anger that was still boiling in his blood was taken out on the piled up boards that he'd yanked off earlier, several bolts of electricity sent flying at the stack lit a roaring bonfire outside the abandoned restaurant. Turning back towards the building, his body still shaking with repressed emotion, Sylar reached out with his telekinesis, pulling Luke clear before unleashing a full burst of electricity over the whole building. As the old, sun dried wood sparked into flames, Sylar felt the worst of the anger ebb away.
That was one less memory to plague him even as the images that the building had resorted to his brain were now etched permanently in his mind's eye.
All he had to be now was find his father. The goal of the trip hadn't changed even if the motives behind it had shifted. Sylar was going to make that man feel every ounce of the pain that he was feeling right now if it was the last thing that he did.
